i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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