I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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