wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
