Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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