my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
