Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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