Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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