i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
