dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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