I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
