My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
