Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Floor bacon is actually really good
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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