Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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