I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize