woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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