you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize