guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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