you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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