Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
