dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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