Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
