Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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