I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize