Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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