i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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