You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
