Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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