Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize