shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
