My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
