i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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