For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
