We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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