There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
