Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
