i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize