I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You made out with two different species that night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
