you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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