apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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