I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
