i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
