We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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