He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
