im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
