i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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