i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize