I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
