haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
