Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Houston, we have a squirter
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
