Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
