I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize