I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
