Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
