Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
