Can Purell be used as lube?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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