Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
