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my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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