I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
