it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
