How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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