I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
