it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this just has baby written all over it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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