I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
