I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
