she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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