I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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