the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
