What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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