Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
