between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
